Clinical's started this week. I'm loving it like always. It's hard. I'm exhausted at least 4 days a week. So. Worth. It. So school is great. I did fail my 1 part of my first test. I passed the Pharmacology portion, yet failed Med Surge... Bizarre. It kind of blows my mind that I'm better at math than the medical aspect of it. I'm not going to let one failed test [that I only failed by a few points] define my remaining 14 weeks of school [That's right... 3 1/2 months and I'm done. Crazy times]. I was meant to be in this program. However, I wouldn't have failed my test if I had been in the right state of mind. Like I said... this week was rough, and it had nothing to do with school.
You see... the past 2 weeks God has been dealing with me. It has not been fun. It's been hard. The first week I cried a lot [and when you aren't a crier, more than 2 moments of crying is a lot]. It's even harder doing it by myself... because it's kind of a me and God thing. I don't even feel like I can talk about anything because I need to be independent. It also doesn't help that the head honcho at school knows that I go to church with one of the instructors. So now I'm super paranoid about even going into Mrs. C's office... who is Mrs. S at school, and it's just frustrating. So last week [though it was an amazing school week] there was crying when it came down to spiritual stuff. This week... angry at the world. Fun transition, right? Still avoiding my instructor at school, and starting to at church. It's all just a mess. As if I wasn't already feeling down... a friend told me that I was using my instructor as a crutch [and prefaced the statement with, "I mean this with all the love in the world"... not feeling the love]. Which pretty much finished me up by crushing me since I've hardly talked to Mrs. C in 2 weeks [since this all started]. Way to kick me when I'm down. I couldn't even respond to the text because I knew I'd say something that was beyond hateful, and I'm now avoiding deliberate conversation with THAT friend for fear of saying something I'll regret. At least I'm in the right enough mind to know that though... apparently I do have self-control over my mouth. Shocker. I know.
I know this isn't the typical, "Jesus is awesome, and working in my life" post... but it's not always roses.
Say a prayer for me if ya think about it. This leg of the journey is leaving me broken and bruised.
