This has been the best and oddest last 5 or so weeks of my life. I'm on the most fantastic spiritual journey that I've ever experienced which has also rendered it the hardest. I'm having to face head on some things that quite frankly I don't care to face. I'd rather stuff them in my back pocket, and ignore them. Between my mental health class and me going to church every single opportunity I've had... my head is about to explode. God is just blowing my mind.
I've gone from reckless in everything I was doing to someone who is so cautious about what I'm watching and listening to. Literal guilt if I listen to songs I know are inappropriate [even if they ARE catchy...] It's crazy how God works when you really, truly desire it. I was so negative just a month ago... now I have new found hope and positivity. Everything can be put in perspective for me no matter the situation. I don't anger as quickly. I've quit cussing [minus the occasional slip]. My attitude is better. Road rage has been cut in more then half. I think my roomie doesn't know what to do with me... I'm just not who I was just a short time ago.
Clinical this week was incredible. I had med check-offs, and that went smashingly! There's like a chain reaction in school of God using people. He used Smith [an instructor] to reach me, and then yesterday used me to encourage another instructor with The Word... who then shared it with the whole class at post-conference [which is time for the instructors to debrief us about the day so we don't carry all our emotions home with us]. I just couldn't help but crack up at God's way of working. You see... just at my LAST med check-off that was in a classroom setting... you know... those two weeks I was a total mess and cried one day for 4 hours? Yeah... those! Smith said something to me after I didn't do so hot on one of my check-offs. She told me not to cry and then said, "you can either take this and let it eat you up, or you can take it and learn from it." THEN just a week or so ago I was reading my Beth Moore study, and it said, "you can let your limitations make you either insecure or unstoppable." I'm fairly certain Beth Moore stole it from Smith. :) Anyway... when Smith told me that I've gotta be honest... it absolutely made me mad. And kind of broke my heart. However, the only reason it did both of those things is because I knew she was right. Well... that statement that made me so livid and upset... I made a decision about the time I changed churches that I was going to become unstoppable. I was so sick of being controlled by fear and insecurity. Now is it an everyday battle? Duh! BUT, I know Who has my security. I know Who protects me from my fears. With taking that statement and running with it... my med check-offs went 10x better than I could have ever expected.
Like I said... it's been a crazy few weeks. And this isn't even going into vivid detail. I love what I'm doing now. Nursing school is awesome. I love every single day. Some more than others. Some days I'm so exhausted I can't function. Other days I'm just so pumped about life I can't see straight. All days, though, I know it is exactly where I'm suppose to be. I don't think someone could pay me to quit. It's just... it's just perfect. Not to mention I truly believe that God placed me in nursing school for multiple purposes... one was to meet Smith. If it weren't for school I wouldn't have started the journey out of the hole I was in. If I hadn't found out about the event at Smith's church I'd still be spending every Sunday sleeping in. Every day not getting into The Word or praying. I have some awesome advocates/prayer warriors on my side at this new church I'm going to [including Smith]. I'm kind of overwhelmed by all the change. But I'm learning change is good... and that isn't easy for me to say. God is just working in me in some crazy ways. I know I keep saying it, but I am not the same Megan. That is such a good thing. I feel like I don't have to fake things anymore. God has given me such a burden for people again. He's given me a desire to search for Him again. To seek Him fully.
All I have to say is this... God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.
