I know I'm not the only person to whom God teaches lessons to in unexpected ways. Tonight threw me though. Only one other time have I distinctly heard God say something to me. Tonight was round 2. I went to a thing at church tonight, and hadn't even made it in the door before I got asked to work the nursery for one little girl. Keep in mind... I've not worked a nursery in forever. Much less with kids I don't know. I'm still relatively new at church so parents and kids don't know me. Anyways, I said yes and off I went. Every thing was fine. Little girl (who I'm going to refer to as "A") was great. To my point though...
You know how we automatically look at a baby, toddler, kid, etc. and judge how cute they are? Well A was beautiful. Sweet little curls. The most beautiful hazel eyes. Perfect little features. I mean kid is gonna be a stunner. She was perfect just at a glance. Then as I was playing with her I noticed something. Her hands. Everyone knows how a "normal" hand looks. Fingers basically form an upside down "u" with their different lengths. A's didn't. All her fingers were the same short length except both her ring fingers were significantly longer than the other fingers. I'd never seen that. In my ridiculous human nature I immediately thought, "oh it's just a defect." And I swear to you as clear as if He were talking to me face to face God said, "I don't do defects. She is perfect in every feature because I fashioned her that way. She is made in my image just like you are made in my image and perfect even with your 'abnormalities'." And that's how God spokento me through a 1 1/2 year old I'd just met.
All this came after a hard question was asked of me yesterday. "When are you goin to truly believe everything you so desperately want everyone else to know?" In other words... Make my head knowledge TRUE heart knowledge. And I'm not sure. All I know is I love Him. I'm in an intense pursuit of a deeper relationship with Him. And that I fight and struggle with it almost daily.
God is working in some crazy ways in my life. He's up to something and I am nervous and anxious and excited all at the same time. He is so good to me.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Letter to a Stranger
At some point I'm gonna throw out into blog world all about the past 4 weeks [on Monday] with nursing school being put on pause, and how, and why, and what God's shown me so far, but not tonight. Tonight I've got other plans for writing...
A couple of days ago my mom sent me an email that a friend of hers had sent. I'm not going to post it on here, but as I read it I felt a lump build up in my throat. I saw words that screamed desperatation. Hurt. Mistrust. Emptiness. I was reading things like, "I'm not in a good place mentally", "I'm in the process of switching to new meds", "I don't belive in the Bible", "I don't believe in a higher being", "why would a loving God allow someone who has followed Him, and been good their whole lives die horrible deaths, but people who are 'terrible' die peacefully." I felt such a pull to respond to this man's email. A man I've heard about, but if I saw him walk past me would never know it was him. I wanted to so desperately for this man to know what I know. I wasn't going to post what I replied to him... I kept thinking "you're going to offend someone" and "what if someone gets mad". Then I realized I didn't care. My heart has been changed the past 6 months. In ways I can't even explain most of the time. It's not about whether or not I offend people with what I say. I'm not condemning anyone. I love everyone in my life whether I agree with what they do or not. This letter though... this is where I'm at right now... and I didn't even realize it until the words just started flowing out on the paper. So here it goes...
"I’ve questioned why people who follow so closely to Christ get really sick or die in unfair ways. And I don’t know why that happens. I do believe that a lot of it is an attack of Satan on their bodies and/or minds because they have become a threat to him. Satan isn’t going to bother people, as much, who are doing “his work”. Maybe people who love the Lord so much have to die or get sick the way they do so that others come to know Him. The one and only true Healer. As believers we don’t want to be sick, but we rejoice at the thought of spending eternity with Him [Philippians 1:21- For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”]. As a Christian we believe that to be on earth is to just get worldly gain… but to die is to gain the best thing of all. The only time we will all be truly healed of what we deal and suffer with is when we get to Heaven. Our treasures are not stored here.
Over the past few months I’ve had to learn, and am still learning, one of the hardest things about being a Christian. It’s not always about feeling. Is it an amazing experience when we, as believers, feel God’s presence all over us… and it’s so strong we can hardly stand [or can’t stand at all!]? Yes. Absolutely. But it’s not just about a feeling. It’s not about the tears, or the goose bumps, or laughter, or however it is that you know God’s presence is washing over you and expressed through you. It’s about the constant pursuit for Him. The desire and need to be near the Father. The only Father that won't ever hurt you. Is He silent sometimes? Yeah. Do I think that means He’s walked away from me? No. There have been moments where I’ve questioned everything I’ve ever known about God. I didn’t understand His ways. I didn’t understand why things happened. And I walked away. Never completely, but there was a very recent time where I knew who He was, but I just didn’t care. I was searching for something, and didn’t even know what it was until it basically dropped in my lap.
All I know is this… if I live my life as if God does not exist, and He does than all is lost. If I live my life as if He does, and He doesn’t exist then I’ve not lost anything. He is a God of restoration and freedom. He’s a God that can take drug addicts and make them into people who help others out of their addictions. He can use a song to heal a wound. He can use a teacher to bring a student out of a dark pit they were in. He can use a baby to save a planet. He can turn any bad situation to good. ANY. I know that I love Him even if I don’t always understand Him… and I don’t have to understand Him. He is far to great to be completely understood. I don’t think I’d want to worship a god that I can understand.
We don’t have to be perfect. We are all still sinners… the only difference in a Christian and a non-Christian is that Christians have asked for forgiveness, and turned from their sinful ways in pursuit of a God-centered lifestyle. We screw up. That’s life. However, I would rather live, my life every day as if He exists… because if I live my life sinfully and He does exist I’ve lost it all when I die. There’s no purpose in life except to be born, live, and die.
Wouldn’t you rather live a life full of purpose where you are born, live, die, and then get to LIVE forever?"
A couple of days ago my mom sent me an email that a friend of hers had sent. I'm not going to post it on here, but as I read it I felt a lump build up in my throat. I saw words that screamed desperatation. Hurt. Mistrust. Emptiness. I was reading things like, "I'm not in a good place mentally", "I'm in the process of switching to new meds", "I don't belive in the Bible", "I don't believe in a higher being", "why would a loving God allow someone who has followed Him, and been good their whole lives die horrible deaths, but people who are 'terrible' die peacefully." I felt such a pull to respond to this man's email. A man I've heard about, but if I saw him walk past me would never know it was him. I wanted to so desperately for this man to know what I know. I wasn't going to post what I replied to him... I kept thinking "you're going to offend someone" and "what if someone gets mad". Then I realized I didn't care. My heart has been changed the past 6 months. In ways I can't even explain most of the time. It's not about whether or not I offend people with what I say. I'm not condemning anyone. I love everyone in my life whether I agree with what they do or not. This letter though... this is where I'm at right now... and I didn't even realize it until the words just started flowing out on the paper. So here it goes...
"I’ve questioned why people who follow so closely to Christ get really sick or die in unfair ways. And I don’t know why that happens. I do believe that a lot of it is an attack of Satan on their bodies and/or minds because they have become a threat to him. Satan isn’t going to bother people, as much, who are doing “his work”. Maybe people who love the Lord so much have to die or get sick the way they do so that others come to know Him. The one and only true Healer. As believers we don’t want to be sick, but we rejoice at the thought of spending eternity with Him [Philippians 1:21- For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”]. As a Christian we believe that to be on earth is to just get worldly gain… but to die is to gain the best thing of all. The only time we will all be truly healed of what we deal and suffer with is when we get to Heaven. Our treasures are not stored here.
Over the past few months I’ve had to learn, and am still learning, one of the hardest things about being a Christian. It’s not always about feeling. Is it an amazing experience when we, as believers, feel God’s presence all over us… and it’s so strong we can hardly stand [or can’t stand at all!]? Yes. Absolutely. But it’s not just about a feeling. It’s not about the tears, or the goose bumps, or laughter, or however it is that you know God’s presence is washing over you and expressed through you. It’s about the constant pursuit for Him. The desire and need to be near the Father. The only Father that won't ever hurt you. Is He silent sometimes? Yeah. Do I think that means He’s walked away from me? No. There have been moments where I’ve questioned everything I’ve ever known about God. I didn’t understand His ways. I didn’t understand why things happened. And I walked away. Never completely, but there was a very recent time where I knew who He was, but I just didn’t care. I was searching for something, and didn’t even know what it was until it basically dropped in my lap.
All I know is this… if I live my life as if God does not exist, and He does than all is lost. If I live my life as if He does, and He doesn’t exist then I’ve not lost anything. He is a God of restoration and freedom. He’s a God that can take drug addicts and make them into people who help others out of their addictions. He can use a song to heal a wound. He can use a teacher to bring a student out of a dark pit they were in. He can use a baby to save a planet. He can turn any bad situation to good. ANY. I know that I love Him even if I don’t always understand Him… and I don’t have to understand Him. He is far to great to be completely understood. I don’t think I’d want to worship a god that I can understand.
We don’t have to be perfect. We are all still sinners… the only difference in a Christian and a non-Christian is that Christians have asked for forgiveness, and turned from their sinful ways in pursuit of a God-centered lifestyle. We screw up. That’s life. However, I would rather live, my life every day as if He exists… because if I live my life sinfully and He does exist I’ve lost it all when I die. There’s no purpose in life except to be born, live, and die.
Wouldn’t you rather live a life full of purpose where you are born, live, die, and then get to LIVE forever?"
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