goodbyes and disaster relief

What. A. Week. This is a 3 day span post [but since it turned into an epicly long post I moved the 3rd day to a different post. You're welcome]... I meant to post each day, but due to life, it was kind of impossible to find time. So here I am. Late at night. Attempting to corral my thoughts.

Wednesday
I suck at goodbyes. And by suck... it's not that I can't say it. I just don't like to. It's like I'm leaving a little piece of my heart with every person I have to say bye to for a significant amount of time. Someone I'm close to/have grown to care a lot about. Well Wednesday was the last day at the nursing home for clinical time. It was suppose to be Thursday, but due to a series of events [which I'll discuss on the Thursday topic] it was changed extremely last minute to Wednesday. By last minute I mean that at 1 p.m. my instructor told us to start our goodbyes. We had to be back at school by 2 for post conference. LAST MINUTE! I didn't think it was going to be that bad. I had got a little emotional earlier on that morning sitting with a woman who wasn't my patient, but that is an entirely different post that I might cover tomorrow. Maybe.

Anywho, I start making my rounds to different residents. I was on hall 2, but had a res on hall 3 that I kind of took up with. I headed over to tell her bye. She's got severe Alzheimer's so she kind of recognized me, but not much. That goodbye wasn't bad. Headed back over to my hall, and started at one end and just worked my way down. My res's were on the other end so I could do them last. I didn't go into this clinical setting thinking I was only going to spend time with my assigned resident's. I made a point to talk to people if I just saw them sitting in the hall, and it paid off. I made some elderly buddies that I adore!

So I finally made it to my resident's room [they both were in the same room which was fantastic!]. Said bye to Ms. J... not a big deal. She was always either asleep or at therapy or a doctor's appointment when I was there so there wasn't much time to spend with her. Then Ms B. Oh Ms B... this woman was a trip. I was told she was mean. Would cuss me out. She was combative. All this horrible stuff. She wasn't. At least not with me. And I adored her. We had one bad day last week by no fault of her own... so ultimately my time with Ms. B was positive. Her face lit up every time I walked in... especially if I had a male nurse student following me. For 90 years old that woman was still absolutely tee-totally boy crazy. It cracked me up! But I just had this special bond with her. I could do things to her and she wouldn't holler and freak out, but if an actual nurse or CNA did it she went nuts. I figured out early on that it was all in the approach you took with her and explaining what you were doing the whole time. Truth is... she trusted me. She knew, even in her senile state, that I had her best interest in mind. I didn't want her to hurt... especially because of anything I did. BACK TO SUBJECT [can you tell I didn't take my A.D.D. meds today?!].

I went to her bed and pulled the curtain a bit more and looked down at those clear blue eyes and told her it was time for me to go. I told her I had to tell her bye because they had just told us it was our last day. I didn't even get it out of my mouth before Ms. B reacted. And boy did she react. She immediately grabbed my hand with both of hers, and started saying "no" over and over again. With tears in her eyes this completely bedridden woman begged me not to leave her. You wanna talk about something ripping your heart out? That'll do it. She told me I took care of her better than anyone. That I was the best. I held it together. Until another student walked in to tell her bye. Then I lost it. You see Ms. B got to all of the student nurses on my hall. We cared about her. We were protective of her. I was [and still will be] fiercely protective of this woman. So as I'm standing there holding onto her hand while Katlyn held the other, and tears streaming down my face I had to look at her and smile and tell her I'd be back. It wasn't a lie. I plan on visiting. She believed me, but still wanted me to stay. I think she thought it was her fault I was leaving. She told me she loved me. And I love her. Ms. B taught me a LOT about patient care. And labeling people. That whole thing of saying goodbye thought... ripped my heart out. I finally had to tell her I was going to get another student to tell her bye. I did... but I didn't go back. I couldn't do that to her. Cause the thing is... she has dementia. She won't remember what I said. What a day that was. I never dreamt that would go down that way...

Thursday
As everyone knows Vilonia, AR got slammed with tornados on Monday night. Well as a nursing student, each semester we are required to spend a day of school doing community service. I'm totally game for that. So we suggested that for our community service [even though it was already planned to do something else Tuesday, which we are also still doing] that we go to Vilonia for disaster relief. It's on my bucket list to help with disaster relief. I know that may be weird, but I love just getting my hands dirty and helping people. Well it all came together by God's grace! So we met Thursday morning at Vilonia Primary School to sign in. The most devastated part of the town was kind of like the "country club" of Vilonia. And it was pretty bad. People were awesome though. They were so grateful, but really I was the grateful one.

Some people expressed the desire to go to a more "low income" area. Which I understood their reasoning. However, on that day... everyone was equal. It didn't matter whether you had a $300,000 house or if you lived in the back of a metal storage building [and yes... we had both situations]. There was still loss. There was still gratitude for lives that were kept that Monday night. Heartache was equal. What was pretty cool too is that my entire nursing program came together to work. That day instructors weren't better than the students, and the 2nd semester nursing students weren't better then me and my gang of 1st semesters. We were one, and I loved that!

My group was able to work on 3 houses that day just picking up debris and such. Well the last house we went to was the worst out of the entire neighborhood. It was ripped in half by this tornado. When you drove up to the house you could see the inner walls of the living room. The only thing left hanging on that wall was a metal cross. A cross that I actually own. We asked them if they were at the house when it happened, and they told us that they had been in the living room on the couch when it came through. The couch is right next to that cross. THAT is the God I serve. I get chills just thinking about it.

I'm still feeling the achy muscles from that day. But I came home that night some grateful for everything God was blessed me with. I was grateful for my friends and family. My tiny house and noisy/clanky vehicle. I was thankful for electricity and water! Most of all I was grateful for the sunburn on my face and arms. The scrapes and bruises on my arms and legs. The sore muscles and joints that throbbed over my entire body. I'm grateful because we made a difference that day. And that is a day I will never forget. It was hands down my favorite day of nursing school... and I have loved almost every day I've been there.