*DISCLAIMER* I'm well aware that the following events may cause any of my friends who read this blog to think I've officially lost my mind. If someone [just 4 months ago] had told me this happened to them I'm sure I would have labeled them a religious nut. I promise you though my mind... it's very much still intact.
First week back at school. From Sunday up until yesterday have been some of the best, and the hardest days yet. Walking this road at school is a lot harder when you've been in a protective bubble for 7 weeks. There are a LOT of things that have happened this week... but I'm just going to hit on one.
Wednesday. My friend wanted to come to church with me again. I unhappily reminded her what time it started. Well about 15 minutes or more into service she hadn't showed, and a little part of me was glad [yet guilty feeling]. Right in the middle of worship I heard this jingle of a purse and felt my friend that was next to me move away. I glanced up just in time to see the other friend come in the pew. I just reminded myself that it was me and God worship zone. No one else can effect me and Him. Well a lady spoke. Then someone else interpreted, and that friend sat down and began crying so I just reached over and put my hand on her back. No big deal. So we all sit down for the pastor to start bring the message, and I just reached over and put my arm around my friend. Once again. No big deal. Well she wrote me a note, and as soon as she started writing it I knew. It was the one thing on a very short list, that my group of friends has yet to deal with. Then all of a sudden it was mentally checked off. My friend's husband had an affair. I immediately moved the stuff between us to the other side of myself, and scooted as close to her as I could get without one of us sitting on the other, and she just started sobbing. I've never held someone in such a way that I was all but covering them, but I did that night. It was basically to try and soothe her, and quiet her because I was about to be center of attention with all the noise I was sitting next to. So she calms down. So I take my arm away, but don't move. We're just sitting with our shoulders touching. Well she reaches her arm through mine, and grabs my opposite hand so are arms are all tangled up in each other. Pastor is preaching about something I don't even remember, but I do remember he said something about hearts breaking for what breaks His, and I literally started having this dull chest pain and tears just started streaming down my face. Luckily I managed to do it somewhat stoically instead of the ugly cry that usually happens [and within a few minutes DID happen]. I was on the 2nd row though so It was pretty clear that I was crying. Eventually my friend let go of my hand, and I got some circulation back to my hand, but it's like we could separate. I had to let her know I was there. I stopped crying, and I [like a dumb dumb] thought I was good to go... then altar call happened.
No sooner did my pastor tell us to stand up and bow our heads that my friend completely and totally lost it. I'm not talking the sobbing when your sad. I'm talking that wailing that happens when your heart has been broken. That cry... it crumbled my heart... it's not a cry you forget. She's sitting with her head bowed weeping, and I'm standing next to hear. Once again... I put my hand on her back to calm her down. [Insert my ugly cry here.] I have one hand on her back, and the other hand balled up in a fist covering my mouth trying to hide the fact that I'm weeping right along side her. Finally there is a group of 4 that were praying over my friend, and then I was there too. All of a sudden I couldn't catch my breath, and just felt like I had to separate myself from her. So I walked to the altar, faced her, stretched my hand out, and kept praying. Just crying out to God to heal her broken heart.
For what seemed like an eternity I sat there. Just waiting. I don't know for what, but I was waiting. Then two of my friends that had been praying for the broken friend came with that friend and got me to go back to the prayer room. Then the story comes out. I'm still crying at this point. That snotty, gross, can't catch your breath cry. Then she says the thing that literally took what little breath I had away from me. She said the thing that bothers her most is that if she leaves her husband she'd have to listen to her 2 year old daughter ask every night where her daddy was. I was done by that point, and told them I had to step away for a second. And in reality I didn't say it... I more like barely audibly choked it out. I had to find Cindy. It wasn't a "oh I might want to talk to her." It was an intense NEED to just be near her. So I walked back into the sanctuary. Talked to her, and got some wisdom. Cleared my mind. Let her love on me. CAUGHT MY BREATH. Told her bye and that I loved her, and went back into the prayer room.
Unbeknownst to me the pastor was coming back there to talk to my friend. So I sit down about half a seat away from her because I don't want to touch her AT ALL because every time I had that night I literally could feel what she felt. So she starts spilling to the pastor and is as calm as can be. MY waterworks, on the other hand, sprung forth like an out of control leaky faucet. My two friends that had been praying for the other friend were trying to calm me, but laughing at me all at the same time because they knew what was going on.
Here's the thing... all that business. Feeling what my friend felt. That was the Holy Spirit. My friend knows that I was hurting for her, but she doesn't quite understand that I actually felt it.
It's funny how I don't like to be touched, but God has brought me on such a wild journey that depending on my relationship with the person I can feel what the feel, and hurt as they hurt in a way that has never ever happened to me before. So now that I'm slowly getting past not liking to be touched... I now am scared to death to touch anyone that I love dearly who may be having a highly emotional moment.
Awesome.
God picked a heck of a week to mess with me, but it was an amazing week... no matter how difficult it was too. I had joy, and still have it. I love my life, and know God has led me here for a purpose.
So blessed.
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