fighter

late night blogging is not my forte. and to make matters worse... my recently prescribed A.D.D. medicine, which has worked wonders in the classroom setting, makes me completely worthless creatively. apparently this is not uncommon with us A.D.D. people.

i'm going to a real service tomorrow at the church i went to the mini conference thing at. i'm nervous. excited, but still nervous. i don't like change. it pushes me out of my comfort zone, and makes me crazy insecure. me and change... we're not the best of friends. however, a week ago i felt something that i hadn't felt in a long time, if ever. i felt genuine worship, and admiration of our God. it kind of scares me to actively pursue this new church aspect of my life, but i think it scares me because i know i'm in for a dramatic change. this week has been a weird one of me sifting little by little through the things in my life i'm not happy about. whether it's been me deleting iPhone apps that may be funny, but that i would totally embarrassed if my grandpa saw it. all the way to breaking myself from cussing. it had turned into a terrible habit, and i wasn't a fan. i'm also trying to work on some anger issues that bare their ugly head, mainly, when i'm driving. it's been a progressive week, but i know it's going to take time. the point is that i felt something deep within me get sparked to change a week ago, and i'm in it for the long haul this time. i'm tired of fighting.

i may add more to this tomorrow, but...

my brain can't keep up with my fingers this late. yes... late to me is 10:30. don't judge. i'm barely able to keep my eyes open as i type this thing with what i can only assume will have ridiculous grammatical errors.