this is a question i've had to start asking myself ALL THE TIME!!! i barely study and i make a high C or low B. i study my tail off, and barely pass. i don't study at all, like i did last night, and make an A. an A!! what the heck is up with that? and i didn't even take my A.D.D. medicine this morning before the test. it's like my own personal phenomenon.
it's been a good week ultimately. i started getting frustrated with my grades being so inconsistent even though i'm studying. so what did i do? i marched myself into my instructor's office to ask what i could do different. i told her it was kind of scary to me that people who had been making A's and B's were now making B's and C's so for someone who was already making B's, but mostly C's that didn't leave a lot of leeway, and that scared the MESS out of me. the kicker? she said keep up what i was doing. even bigger kicker? she said i've actually improved since last semester. [insert completely dumbfounded face here] see i'm still making B's and C's. which means i'm staying consistent compared to the other students who's grades are dropping. talk about perspective. so that made me a whole heck-of-a-lot better.
today i dropped some stuff off in her office when she wasn't in there, but the "director" guy of the program was in his office, which connects to my instructor's. i've known him since i was probably 10 at LEAST, was friends with, and graduated with his daughter. he asked how the program was going, and i basically shared the whole, "well i had a rough time with med check-offs just being stressed out, but there hasn't been a day where i didn't love being in this program. it's hard, but i didn't expect it to be easy. i only started having a rough time when i forgot why i was in this program, and who i was doing this program for. i really do love it though, even wiping a tush. i've done a lot of stuff in this program the past 5 months that i never thought i would or could do, but i wouldn't change any of it." he followed that with, "i think i'm going to have you talk to the new class when they get here in August. we need more guys and galls with your attitude, and passion for this." in my head i was like, "i'm sorry, what?!" but i told him definitely would. what an opportunity! and what a testimony to how others see me. i don't mean a testimony to the new class like, "oh look at me." i'm just talking about personally such a testimony to how God can work and open doors... even if that door is sending me out of my comfort zone since i'm totally insecure in front of people. still... amazing.
so i peace it out with this... i'm doing a Beth Moore study [who i think is BRILLIANT] called So Long Insecurity. story of my life. i found a sentence that made me laugh, but only because Smith has said this to me a couple of times. it's so true though, and i'm working on doing the latter with my insecurities...
"You can let your limitations make you either insecure or unstoppable."-Beth Moore/ Smith [not as eloquently]
truth.
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